Gropecunt Lane

Dudes, ladies, pet owners, firefighters, and religious zealots, I've got some good fun cooked up for y'all. It comes courtesy of one of the best sites out there. It's called WIKIPEDIA and I really luv the way it is always there for good ol' Beejmeister. I can read about just about any topic of my choosin' and feel happy and pround that I have bettered my brain. Better than buttering my brain!!

Today, Wikipedia's featured article is about Gropecunt Lane. It's in Jolly Olde Englande! And it means what it seems like it means! It means that it is the street where dudes go to grope cunts, and ladies go to have their cunts groped! Yah ha!! Yikes! How amazingly awesomely mindblowing and rad is THAT?

Here are my suggested street names, for an anticipated future in which our American culture isn't so UPTIGHT, PRUDISH, and AWFUL:

1. Touchpenis Blvd.
2. Grabnuts Rd.
3. Tonguecheeks Ln.
4. Kisscock Rd.
5. Slapschlong St.
6. Manuallystimulatewang Ct.
7. Shavescrotum Pike
8. Pokebutt St.
9. Enteranus Pkwy.
10. Semenspit Ave.

Holla back at me, y'all!

BEEJOUT

The Shit MySpace Kids Write

I was at my favorite website, MySpace, when I ran into this crazy shit some teenaged kid wrote! I had to share it wit' ya!

All right boils and girls, I'm Trey and well I'm my own person. There is shit about me I hate and love. If you want to label me you probably are a dick,but for those who must I would go with hardcore/emo/indie.Yes I did say emo only cause i have weird mood swings, like i might go a couple days without talking to anybody. I'm not a violent person but if it comes to it I will fight,thats where some of the hardcore comes into play. I'm a sxe kid, I dont know why I said kid cause I'm not one, but sxe is short for Straight Edge. This means I don't drink, smoke, do drugs, or have random sex with unknown people. I choose this because its who I am it proves I'm strong enough to get over these pathetic desires and urges most of these people just have to do these days.... pussies... I am my own person I tend to dwell in my own little world, theres that indie. I love music often friends can find me just sitting around listening to music from the hardcore break downs of Bury Your Dead to the acoustic of Harley Poe to the soothing sounds of Beethoven, yes weird collection of music I listen to. I enjoy video games, I am a avid game player. My favorites are the Resident Evil series, Legend of Zelda series, and Halo.Resident Evil is by far my favorite I love them I am one of the biggest R.E. nerds you will probably meet. As for Halo, I am a beast. Well I will now end this probably drawn out brief description of myself, but just remember this profile is not the complete me this barley scratches the surface so don't judge me completely by this.

Oh! I Forgot One!

Another good, timely porno title: "Stimulus Package" LOL!!! OMG so funny!

New School Titles for Pornos

Hey, I've been thinking, it's probably time for some new blood in the ol' porn racket. Am I right? Lots of new technology on the horizon - and some of it's already here! Porno has always been on the cutting edge of culture, always looking ahead at a brighter future, idealistic and brave. So to jump-start the thinkin' caps of some those bold young porno auteurs, here are some titles that could have been ripped out of the headlines of today's hottest and trendiest magazines!

1. Plug and Play
2. Twatter
3. Sin-ternet
4. Digital Semen
5. Seedy-Rom
6. Floppy Dicks
7. BlueBalls (instead of BlueTooth LOL)
8. iBone
9. iPud
10. Cackinjosh

Hope this get us turned around! America needs it!

Poem: Seeing Eye Dick

I looked up
And what did I see?
Your big dick
Lookin' back at me
Lookin' back at me
That's what I said
With an eyeball
In its head
Motherfucker
I'd rather be dead
Than to live
In a world
In which a dick
Has an eye
In its motherfuckin'
Head

Da Big Shaqtus

Dudes, dudettes, and tykes alike, I gotsta level witya. Even thought the NBA basketball playoffs are pretty exciting and fun, I just shed a tear that my big buddy, Shaquille O'Neal, all-star center for the Phoenix Suns and IcyHot spokesdude, ain't in action. The dude is the definition of money in my book! He's got charisma, coolness, and character in spades. He's been a rapster, a Hollywood actor, and an icon of goodwill to the world, so let's give the Gentle Giant some hot props. Enjoy deez videos and let's hope that something decent happens in the off-season so we're not in this Shaqless morass of sorrowful bullshit next year!

Children's Album

I think I wanna do a record album fo tha kiddies. What do you think? Kids deserve to rock out properly, and all they got goin' on for them right now are them silly Joanis Brothers and Molly Cyrus! If that ain't a damned shame, I don't know what ain't. I mean, they should be able to rock it like its meant to be rocked and have a real choice in life! So I'm gonna start writing a good kid's album called "Kickass Tunes for Kickass Kids!" This is the right thing to do at this point in my life. I really believe it.

BEEJOUT